Long Division Super Adventure Story Fun Time: May 2013

LONG DIVISION SUPER ADVENTURE STORY FUN TIME

Welcome to Long Division Super Adventure Story Fun Time, an interactive text adventure set at Long Division 2013.

What is this exactly? Well, as you may know, Long Division is run by a fanzine called Rhubarb Bomb. So, words are important to us, not just the sounds of the bands we book. We also like to do things that are pointless but fun. This is hopefully as least one of those.

So you will read a chapter and then be faced with a choice. Which bands will you go see? Which venues will you frequent? What will you do when faced with the odd characters that call Wakefield their home?

It’s a fun thing that will introduce you to some of the bands we have playing. It’s also a bit weird and goes off on tangents. It’ll kill some time. If you liked those old Choose Your Own Adventure Books, you might be well into it.

There are genuinely lots of different roots to take. The choices you make will affect how great a time you have in this imaginary version of Wakefield. And it’s not strictly chronologically accurate either. But hey, what’s a bit of time travel?

Now obviously, I am no computer programmer, so this is built in Blogger, which means it’s really easy to cheat. You can cheat if you want. There’s no prize at stake here. But perhaps it’s just better to go with the flow and see where you end up? That’s the Long Division way.

Ok, to begin, click on the START button below. Anything you see in capitals is kind of an instruction / option. In the first chapter you will get £30 for a cash machine. Make sure you keep track of your money as you spend it – it could be important later. And as you go through the game you’ll pick up objects too, which should be in red. It’s not complicated, I just thought I’d warn you.

So here you are. It’s June 8^th, 2013, and you are on a train heading for Wakefield Westgate…

START

Chapter 1

You step from the train onto the platform of Wakefield Westgate train station. Clear of the busy carriage, the fresh air hits you clean in the face and the bright summer sun warms your shoulders. As the train heads onwards, you follow the crowd through the main part of the station. You spot a few people in Long Division T-Shirts of years gone by, one girl in a Pavement hoodie. You strain your eyes as you finally step out of the station and into the shining June morning of Wakefield.

There is a cash machine directly outside the station. You walk to it and draw out funds for the day. You place them in your wallet next to your LONG DIVISION TICKET.

You have THIRTY POUNDS

You walk out of the station and see the ornate Elephant & Castle pub stood proud before you. The consideration of a quick pint flashes through your mind but you sense it will be a long day and you don't want to burn out too quickly. A quick left turn takes you up towards Westgate itself, the main road for pubs and clubs in Wakefield. The vast Unity Hall lies to your right and Wakefield Theatre Royal to your left. You catch sight of equipment being loaded in to the theatre. Amongst the weekend shoppers and Saturday traffic you can sense the excitement of the day ahead.

You catch site of a group of people heading towards the ticket exchange at The Hop. You check your watch. It is 11:50.

Do you:

WALK TO THE TICKET EXCHANGE

HANG ABOUT ON WESTGATE FOR A BIT

Chapter 2

A cool, refreshing wind glances past your right cheek as you step back onto Westgate. You take a left, then a quick right at the crossroads, following a group of eager young souls bouncing their way down the pavement. They turn into the former Drury Lane Library, the handsome sandstone exterior basking in the sunlight.

A grinding, growling noise comes from within, but you decide to carry on past. You see a glittering new building development in front of you; modern office and retail towering around an attractive but empty pavilion. In fact, the whole place is empty, a strange hint of one possible future that never was, looking as if it is waiting to be taken out of its shrink-wrap.

You walk alongside it, down some steps and arrive in the beautiful gardens of The Orangery, Long Division’s most peaceful and reflective venue. You pass through the thick iron gates and see people sat on the grass, some drinking tea and coffee. You want to look around but a voice – a solitary unaccompanied voice – draws you into the old building in the centre of the grounds.

Jasmine Kennedy is on stage, performing acapella. In the gaps between each sweet, sorrowful note, you can hear the birds singing outside, the gentle chatter of happy people sat on English lawns.

The rest of the set is completed with guitar, each song carrying the same winsome air of loss and times long, long ago. A perfect afternoon gig.

You step outside once more into the light. The thought of being elsewhere seems ill at-ease for half a second. Perhaps it would be nice to just stay here for the day, sunbathing and drinking wine?

Do you:

EXPLORE THE GARDENS OF THE ORANGERY

HEAD OFF TO FIND SOMETHING NOISY

Chapter 3

In the gardens of The Orangery is a large maze like structure. Maze like in the sense that it is, actually, a maze. Its walls are only about shoulder height, so you see right across its diameter. People are wondering around it, some looking down at their feet in encouragement, clearly leading young children through its various passageways.

You enter the maze, absent-mindedly making your way around. There are spooky gravestones over to one edge of the gardens, set in front of a railway viaduct. Yours eyes follow the bridge’s stone work and you realise you are about one hundred metres from the station where you first arrived. Wakefield is such an odd place. Here you are, walking around a modernist sculpture in the gardens of an 18^th century Orangery, within stones throw of a train station, a Unitarian Chapel (just over to your left) and – if you have a particularly strong arm – the largest maximum security prison in Western Europe.

With little to no thought, you have found yourself at the centre of the maze, a space roughly four by four feet square.

There doesn’t appear to be much there, but then you spy a man sat in one of the corners. He is about 65, with stylish, slicked back silver hair. He is wearing a smart grey suit, with a crimson tie and brown shoes. He has his head in his hands.

You ask him if he is alright.

“I’m fine pal, don’t you worry about me” he says, hands still covering his entire cranium. Then he slowly removes his head and turns it towards you, his eyes sharply focussed on you.

“You here for the festival?” he asks, the beginnings of a smile emerging on the corners of his lips. You tell him you are. He stands and faces you, stood slightly too close.

“You don’t want to bother with that rubbish up there’ he sneers, gesticulating towards the city centre. “All them Runabout Kids and their ironic t-shirts. You want to see some real music don’t you? I can tell. You’re like me. A proper music fan. An admirer of the finer things in life, yeah?”

He dusts himself off and begins walking out of the maze, gesturing to you. “Come with me, forget about all that rubbish. Clive bloody Smith will show you something proper, show you the future.”

Do you

FOLLOW CLIVE SMITH

GET ON YOUR HANDS AND KNEES AND TRY CRAWL OUT OF THE MAZEWITHOUT HIM SEEING YOU

Chapter 4

You arrive at Warehouse 23 eager for some no nonsense hard rocking indie goodness.

(this is a really exciting part of the story. For added dramatic effect, I recommend you listen to THIS as you read).

The Spills take to the stage as you work your way into the middle of the impressive crowd. There’s a strong stench of anticipation in the air. You hear people talking of their legendary slot in 2011, opening the first ever Long Division. There’s other talk about how their new songs will match up to their spectacular debut album. And there’s a fair few clearly just ready to get down to some good-old jumping around going mental type shenanigans. It’s that kind of day.

Before you know it, the band let rip with their first tune. Slow and gentle at first, it erupts into a fine emotional and melodic piece of indie-rock. The crowd get into it, people are moving around. In fact it’s getting pretty crazy in there. You are now firmly wedged in a full moshpit, the momentum of the massing early evening revellers now completely controlling your destiny. You are going to have to find your way out of this maze of sweating Long Divisioners if you have any hope of seeing any other bands today.

Do you

PUSH YOUR WAY FORWARD THROUGH THE CROWD

FORCE YOUR WEIGHT BACKWARDS

Chapter 4A

You are right at the front of the gig. A cherub faced young man on guitar is screaming into his microphone whilst his cohorts flail around the stage. The volume is intense and glorious but you are no nearer to working your way out of this mass of bodies.

Do you

CLIMB ONTO THE SAFETY BARRIER AND STAGE DIVE

BOUNCE YOUR WAY TO A CLEARING, STAGE RIGHT

Chapter 4B

It’s a little cooler towards the back of the gig, but no less frantic and you are still being thrown around like a ragdoll, the band feeding off the energy of the crowd.

With the audience a little thinner here, you have a few options to get yourself out of this pit, before you are completely exhausted.

Do you

HEAD TOWARDS A GAP IN THE AUDIENCE TO YOUR LEFT

BOUNCE AWAY TO YOUR RIGHT

Chapter 4C

You are in a circle pit! It’s chaos, bodies charging across you like cars at a crossroads. You try back out but are encouraged back in by the excitable crowd, worked to a fervour by the fine Wakefield band.

You are now in the centre of the circle pit. You need to get out of here before you suffer some sort of permanent damage!

Do you

HEAD TOWARDS THE STAGE

FIND REFUAGE ON THE STEPS OF THE FIRE ESCAPE

Chapter 4D

You are right on the stage barrier, but off to one side. The band are in full assault now and turning round you can only see people with arms in the air, bodies being flung around with little regard for gravity. It’s unreal.

Do you

FIND REFUGE ON THE STAIRS OF THE FIRE ESCAPE

USE THE SAFETY BARRIER TO PERFORM A STAGE DIVE

Chapter 4E

You finally have air to breath, and the freedom of movement. You stand on the slightly raised steps of the fire escape and survey the mental scene. Wakefield has never seen anything like it, you are sure of that.

You check your pockets. Looks like you’ve lost some loose change in the pit – damn it!

YOU HAVE LOST TWO POUNDS

The fire escape is not a legitimate exit from the venue – you daren’t use it and risk setting the alarm off. This crowd would not be happy about that. Your only choice is to head back in. It looks like you might need to get towards the back of the moshpit, the far right hand side to have a chance of escape.

But for now, do you

PUSH YOUR WAY TO THE FRONT

HEAD FOR A GAP THAT HAS EMERGED IN THE CROWD A LITTLE FURTHER BACK

Chapter 4F

You perform a perfect and graceful stage dive. The venue lights spin as you are carried backwards on a carpet of sweaty palms. They gently place you at the back of the pit as the audience begins to thin out.

It’s a little cooler towards the back of the gig, but no less frantic and you are still being thrown around like a ragdoll, the band feeding off the energy of the crowd.

With the audience a little thinner here, you have a few options to get yourself out of this pit, before you are completely exhausted.

Do you

HEAD TOWARDS A GAP IN THE AUDIENCE TO YOUR LEFT

BOUNCE AWAY TO YOUR RIGHT

Chapter 4G

This gig is amazing. Every song builds the tension in the room, then releases it, in spectacular fashion. You could do this all day. But you don’t want to wear yourself out, not when there are so many awesome bands to see. Plus, you’d quite like a pint.

Do you

HEAD TO A GAP THAT HAS OPENED UP TO THE LEFT

TRY AND FORCE YOUR WAY TO THE RIGHT, TOWARDS THE BAR

Chapter 4H

You’ve made it out! Wow, that was hard work!

A friendly bar staff member hands you some water and you refresh yourself. It’s gonna be tough to top that today, you think to yourself. A thunderous applause ripples through the building as the band finish their last song.

You pull out the Long Division programme. It is sweaty and soggy and only two names are visible.

Do you

GO AND SEE THE DO’S

GO AND SEE JONNYTHEFIRTH

Chapter 5

Velvet Cocktail bar is awash with punters – most are supping cool beers, but a few have already moved on to the more exotic delights of Mojitos, Manhattens and Strawberry Daiquiris.

On stage is Jonnythefirth, who has already played a set earlier in the day with CryBabyCry. He’s got a one man band setup, which is pretty impressive in itself. The audience is hooked on the straight up blues influenced stomp-rock noise making.

If there were a five piece making this kind of disturbance, you may not turn you head, but seeing the limbs and mouth of just one guy co-ordinate all those elements if hypnotic. You feel dead chuffed you made it down to see this, a real treasure.

Jonnythefirth has raised your festival game, you feel. It’s time to move on, but you face a tricky choice.

Do you

GO TO WAREHOUSE 23 AND SEE GHOSTPOET

HEAD TO THE HOP AND HOPE YOU HAVEN’T MISSED SKY LARKIN

Chapter 6

The band rip into their first delicious opening chord and instantly it hits you hard in the soul. With the setting sun creeping through the dirty old windows of the dis-used library, this feels romantic and giddy and secret.

This is Indie-Pop with a greater edge, a solid rush of euphoria deposited via a lush wall of sound, here bouncing off foundations much more used to the hush and quiet of empty Thursday afternoons of people flicking absent-minded through dusty old periodicals.

A glorious play through the majority of their Out Of View album and The History Of Apple Pie are done. What a great moment, what a great experience to have shared here, in this place, and in Wakefield.

The audience file out of the venue. But what next, what could top that?

Do you:

STRUT CASUALLY TO THE THEATRE TO CATCH JEFFREY LEWIS

MAKE A MOVE TO THE HOP FOR ALLO DARLIN’

Chapter 7

Clive marches off towards the gravestones, you following closely behind. You both enter the shadow of the railway viaduct and you then realise Clive is taking you underneath one of its arches. You duck inside and feel the cold, freezer-like hum of summer shade. Dust hangs in the air.

Clive is off towards the back of the tunnel and you can’t see him. Suddenly an arm reaches out from the darkness and he grabs you by the writs.

“This way pal, not far now.”

It is hard to keep your bearings, but you feel as if you are travelling through a series of interconnected rooms. You must be deep under the railway-lines, or perhaps even further now? These catacomb like connections of pitch black rooms seem to lead on forever.

At last, a candle light shines up ahead, revealing a heavily shadowed staircase leading up to clean air, light and escape. You lead the way, tentatively finding your way up.

You emerge in a dusty looking chamber, about the size of large living room, but you can’t tell if it is a house, or a pub or… well, anything really. There are wooden floorboards, thick beams from floor to ceiling and windows on two sides, thick with dirt. And in the centre of the room are two chairs, surrounded by almost every musical instrument you could imagine.

You hear a click behind you. Clive has locked the door. He puts the key in his pocket and takes a seat, then gestures. The other seat is for you.

“Right then’ says Clive. ‘You ready for this? Me and you, we’re gonna show them lot up there (he gestures wildly around the room). We’re gonna find the new sound. The best new sound there has ever been. If it takes us all day, we’ll do it. I’ve been here for three days already. But it’ll be worth it, to show that lot that. To show ‘em there aint nobody better than Clive Smith. So you ready? Here we go…”

YOU ENDED UP TRAPPED IN A NEVER-ENDING JAM SESSION WITH CLIVE SMITH. YOU MISSED LONG DIVISION – YOU LOSE!

THE END

Chapter 8

As you walk down the cobbles of Bank Street the tones of the opening band The Sunbeams become clearer. You enter The Hop courtyard and see a healthy crowd, many already enjoying their first pint of the day. You skip up to the ticket exchange and receive your wristband from the friendly and welcoming staff. You get yourself a programme.

As you walk away the exchange staff are dealing with a glum looking man and his friend; you gather that this year's festival has actually sold out and the man is being turned away. "I'm glad I had the forethought to buy my ticket in advance" you think to yourself as you head through to see the first band of the day.

Upstairs at The Hop and here they are, rock and roll purists, The Michael Ainsley Band. Pure pop-punk perfection, things could not kick off in better style.

The band own the stage, the sound is loud and crisp and the passion contagious. They storm through their set like they are playing Wembley Stadium, like they’ll never be allowed to play their instruments ever again. The room fills steadily over the all too short half hour and a huge applause brings the first performance of the day to a close.

The room begins to steadily empty, each audience members appetite adequately whet for the day ahead.

Do you:

STAY IN THE HOP FOR THE NEXT BAND

GO TO THE LIBRARY TO SEE WHO’S ON THERE

HEAD OUT ONTO THE STREETS AND SEE WHERE THE CROWDS TAKE YOU

Chapter 9

You wander downstairs and out into the courtyard of The Hop. There’s a healthy crowd stood around, some enjoying the sun, others listening intently to Mark Wynn, who is performing on the downstairs stage. His short-sharp speak / sing urbane poetry to ramshackle guitar is turning heads.

You are getting into it, tapping your toe away as you sit on a stone wall. You feel it might be time to get a drink and stand, inadvertently bumping into a bearded character passing by. In one hand he has a Jack Daniels and Coke, which survived intact, but in the other he had a large cardboard box, which wasn’t so lucky. It falls to the floor.

You apologise and help him with his dilemma.

“Y’alright, I wasn’t watching where I were goin anyway’ he says kneeling down.

You seen the cardboard box is full of CDs and Records and you recognise some of the band names as being ones playing the festival. You pick up a 7” and look at the cover.

“Good one that’ says the man and you turn to face him for the first time. He is tall and despite the heat, wearing a large, long coat, a style slightly confused by his large, reflective sun glasses. His beard is thick and ginger and he speaks quietly, almost too quiet to hear.

“Y’best buy it now you’ve damaged it’ he says, jokingly and gives you a big smile, whilst picking up the last of his records. He is clearly some kind of record label man; either that or a collector that can’t bare to be apart from his treasured things.

You regard the man and consider buying a record. You suspect he might be the head of a local label called Philophobia Music, who you know have done some good things. In the very least it would lighten this poor chaps load for the rest of his day.

You ask how much the 7” is. “For you, four pounds” he says.

Do you:

BUY THE RECORD (if so YOU HAVE SPENT FOUR POUNDS)

POLITELY DECLINE

CHECK OUT THE PHILOPHOBIA SHOP FOR REAL HERE

Chapter 10

“Hey, don’t you be going off anywhere else you. Blacklisters are on upstairs” the friendly record vendor tells you.

So you go back through the venue, and up the stairs to a still crowded room. If there’s anyone in there still not quite awake, still acclimatising to this day full of musical light and shade, then these guys will fix em pretty sharp.

It’s a brutal, vicious sound that you feel may leave permanent scars upon your cerebral cortex. A brave photographer is down by the front of the stage, clearly with little care for his hearing or personal safety. You see the bright silver hair upon his head pop up and down sporadically as he clamours to find the best angle.

You feel slightly violated. Part of you enjoyed it though. It’s time to get out of The Hop and see this beautiful and odd city called Wakefield. The question is, what do you need now; a nice sit down, or to take it up a level?

Do you

GO TO SEE HOWARD MARKS IN THE THEATRE

GO TO WAREHOUSE 23 FOR THE SPILLS

Chapter 11

You hit the deck, knees first to the dirt, then fully on all fours. You shuffle out of the central area opposite to where Clive left. You take a hard right, and quickly take another left. You’ve mastered this, and are now expertly commando crawling your way through towards what you hope is an exit.

Hearing nothing more of Clive, you make it out. You don’t even look around. You just half-run towards the tall iron gates that mark the edge of the Orangery grounds. Now clear, you have one cautionary glimpse back, and see the silver haired mystery disappearing into a railway arch, under the viaduct.

The see a crowd of people heading towards The Hop and slyly work your way towards the centre of the crowd, making nervous but friendly conversation with them.

Inside The Hop, you head upstairs with them. Something has shaken you about the encounter with the strange man and you don’t want to be alone in case he comes looking for you. Eager to stay close to your adopted Long Division posse, you get a round of drinks in.

YOU HAVE SPENT FIFTEEN POUNDS

You all move through to the upstairs room of The Hop which is utterly rammed as Nine Black Alps take to the stage. Is that sweat dripping down the walls? Having barely squeezed through the excitable crowd, the band kick into their first song and the room comes alive. You have no choice but to move in unison with the organic, swaying mess of bodies.

The sound is loud and brutal and urgent. Sunlight is barely making it to you, in the centre of the crowd, it feels dark and dangerous and rather bloody marvellous, you think to yourself.

<VIDEO>

You have a great time with your new found friends and as the last chord rings out, you make your back into the bar.

Half the crew want to head over to be in Warehouse 23 early for The Fall, so fancy checking out That Fucking Tank on beforehand. But the other half fancy a bit of Indie-Pop instead. Which is it going to be?

Do you

GO AND WATCH THAT FUCKING TANK

GO AND WATCH THE HISTORY OF APPLE PIE

Chapter 12

Result!

You arrive at The Hop and hear the faint strains of Sky Larkin blasting through the allegedly soundproof windows from upstairs.

In the upstairs room you are thrilled to see that the love this amazing band encourage has not dwindled in the three or four years since they were last in Wakefield.

The drummer – surely he has calmed down a bit since the days of him performing a Hulk-Smash on every drum, on every beat? Nope, he’s still got it, annihilating the kit. You momentarily feel sorry for whichever band has to use it after him.

The band, after a luscious show at Live At Leeds, are back in full swing now, this time as a four piece. Kate owns the stage but it’s the mix of pop and that unhinged power and aggression that makes for such a captivating show. A real classic, you think as the lights come up. Where did thirty minutes just go?

You glance out of those windows, close to shattering surely from the pounding they have taken thus far today. The sun is visible in the sky, slowly sinking its way out of view. The night is coming. And a very difficult decision faces you. What kind of headliner do you want? It’s the coin-flip of a potentially life changing experience with one of the most inspiring, yet unpredictable bands of all time versus staying right where you are and getting the best square foot of hardened venue flooring in the city for one of most consistently brilliant, euphoric and heart-warming bands ever to grace a festival stage. Well, which will it be?

Do you

GO TO WAREHOUSE 23 AND SEE THE FALL

STAY IN THE HOP AND GET A GREAT SPOT FOR ALLO DARLIN’

Chapter 13

You are gently ushered down the side wall of the packed venue and manage to pop yourself into a sweet spot right at the front. The air is scorching hot. You are close enough to see the sweat dripping down every band members face. Somehow singer Elizabeth manages to pull it off and still look fantastic.

As per all their previous appearances at The Hop, or anywhere else, it’s a flawless show, an education in cracking, infectious songwriting lapped up by a diehard audience.

The show is drawing to a close and the band have stripped themselves back to just ukulele and vocals for a moving and unforgettable conclusion. It’s magical; this is what live music is all about, you think to yourself. These special moments where you exist outside yourself. You forget where you are, how you feel – in fact, you feel nothing – you are just inside the sound and second.

With her final strum of the ukulele, the crowd gives a final, deafening roar of approval. Being so close to the front you notice that, in fact, Elizabeth broke two strings during that final chord; incredibly odd since it wasn’t exactly a moment of rock n roll excess. She sees you notice and shrugs.

“Here, you have it. I need to get a new one anyway.”

And with that, she hands it over and turns to pack away here gear.

YOU HAVE ELIZABETH’S UKULELE.

You, like everyone else in the room is desperate for air.

YOU GO OUTSIDE

Chapter 14

You squeeze your way into the back of the venue, amongst the sweating bodies in the full to capacity venue. The band are in full swing and it sounds awesome.

As per all their previous appearances at The Hop, or anywhere else, it’s a flawless show, an education in cracking, infectious songwriting lapped up by a diehard audience.

With her final strum of the ukulele, the crowd gives a final, deafening roar of approval. You, like everyone else in the room is desperate for air.

YOU GO OUTSIDE

Chapter 15

You walk through the main doors of what was once Drury Lane Library. The outside of the building is grand and gorgeous, set in sandstone with ornate windows. The large wooden doors give way to a surprisingly vast space. Wooden shelving coats the outer edge of the walls, but the main space is just a big square space of nothing. Least, it would be, were it not for all the people ready to see local heroes, Piskie Sits.

The stage is set between two large pillars and the band amble onto the stage, launching into their notorious slacker-pop-rock.

You spy merchandise and food stalls in smaller rooms and what appears to be a large bar in another. Over to one side, some of the shelves are covered in fanzines, mainly old issues of Rhubarb Bomb. Setting them out carefully is a man in a Long Division ‘Crew’ T-shirt, who looks mildly stressed.

“Eyup’ he says to you. ‘Having a good day?”

He opens up a box and pulls out five bright pink books. On the front they say The City Consumes Us. The man sees you looking.

“It’s a book I wrote last year. About the fanzine and Wakefield music and stuff like that. Still got some left, not many though.”

You flick through and notice it comes with a CD too.

“Loads of exclusives on there you know – including The Cribs! Can buy one if you like. Sorry for shamelessly trying to flog these in the middle of a story… I mean, in the middle of a festival, but I’m hoping to move house soon. Would be great to have got rid of them. Though they are good, too, as it happens.”

There is a hush, and then applause, as the Piskie Sits finish their song.

Do you:

BUY THE BOOK (if so YOU SPEND TEN POUNDS)

POLITELY DECLINE

LOOK AT THE BOOK IN REAL-LIFE HERE

Chapter 15B

As the Piskie Sits wind up, you ask where you should head next.

“Tough call’ the bookseller says. “You could stick around here for Imp; good times guaranteed with Imp. Or maybe Buen Chico over in Velvet?”

Do you

STAY FOR IMP

GO SEE BUEN CHICO

Chapter 16

The twisted sound of Imp reverberates out through the ancient stone work of Drury Lane Library. Like five crazed scientists of sound forced to work side by side in a laboratory on their separate but equally evil experiments, each seems to pull in a different direction. Then; gang vocals tie it all together. The crowd builds as the set moves towards a sublime climax.

The gig has finished are you are mentally and physically drained. You grab a pint at the bar.

YOU HAVE SPENT THREE POUNDS.

The next band are setting up, the madness of a few minutes previous now blown like a draft out of the window. Did that just really happen?

A young chap with plaid shirt, curly bond hair and a friendly, cherub like face appears round the corner of a door, wide-eyed, amazed. He clocks you: “Hey, you wanna see something cool?”

You follow him through the door and down some stone stairs into the underground of the library. There are several empty concrete rooms, unlit.

“Check out what we’ve found down here” he says.

You follow towards the back of the largest room and find two members of Imp stood around an old wooden chest, the top opened up. Guiding you in with their lighters, you see a collection of books and papers, sheet music and old photos. It smells funny too, an odd damp lingers over it all. There’s doesn’t seem to be any connection between the things in there.

Then, right at the bottom is a velvet case. It has a gentile metal padlock holding it secure. On the top it says “Don’t open this. Seriously. It’s a really bad idea.”

The cherub like chap suddenly becomes nervous.

“I don’t like this, we should put it back” he says, with nerves.

“Don’t think so’ says another of the group. ‘Could be something totally frickin’ awesome in there!”

“Well I’m out of here. My band is on soon anyway so, erm, I have to linecheck and that. Sorry. You coming?”

Do you

STAY WITH IMP AND OPEN THE DANGEROUS THING

GO WITH THE NICE BOY TO HIS GIG

Chapter 17

You walk through the main doors of the Theatre Royal. Staff tell you the downstairs is full and you will need to head up to the balcony.

You go up the carpeted stairs and smiling theatre staff direct you through double doors to a seat. It’s a beautiful old place. Very classical and it feels quite special to be sat in such a grand theatre at a music festival. You wouldn’t admit it, but it’s quite nice to have a quick sit down too.

The lights go down and Howard meanders on to the stage to warm applause and some shouts. It’s a lovely show. He is such a softly spoken man, but the audience are in his grasp as he tells fantastical stories of his days as a dope smuggler, as well as some history of cannabis, way back to the Aztecs. It’s especially hard to connect the stories of being on the run from the FBI with the gentle old soul, but the man is right there, up on the stage, as living proof. What a guy.

It’s over all too soon. You head out and go to find the toilets but become rather lost. You follow a man through a door, then find you can’t then get back through without a key code. And the man is gone. Where are you?

You wander about for a while, clearly somewhere you aren’t meant to be. Before getting into any bother, you find a door marked ‘exit’ and quickly step through. You’ve somehow ended up round the back of the building, in some kind of car park.

There’s a middle aged man standing there smoking, slightly startled by your appearance. By way of appeasing him, and explaining your presence, you tell him you are lost and gesture round the corner with a raised eyebrow.

“Oh yeah. It’s all going on round there man’. He takes a drag of his hand-rolled cigarette.

“So you’re playing at this festival are you?’ the man asks, without giving eye contact. “Man, I played some pretty far-out joints in my time, I can tell you. You ever heard of a band called The Forever Children?”

Do you

SAY YES

SAY NO

Chapter 17A

“Seminal Funk / Thrash Metal beat combo man, we were hot stuff for a while y’know.’ He takes a drag on his roll-up.

“Thing about festivals is all the people you meet, you know what I’m saying? So many people out there, and they’re just trying to do their own thing aren’t they. You know what I mean, I can tell. You got a real strong sense of the universe man haven’t you?” He pats you on the shoulder, momentarily coming closer to you. You can see deep into his pupils. It doesn’t look like anyone is home.

“Reminds me of that old TV show, you know the one with the guy and he’s trying to find, what was it? That medallion thing, but he can never remember where he put it. You know the one I mean?”

Do you

SAY YES

SAY NO

Chapter 17B

“Before your time I guess’ the man says looking up at the sky. He pats himself down, checking each pocket upon his person and final finds, in his top shirt pocket a metal tin. He pats it twice for luck.

A blast of guitar comes from somewhere in the vicinity, a flurry as a door is quickly opened, then shut again. It must be another venue close by.

“You look like you have the old whatcha call it, you know, the artistic temperament. I’m right aren’t I? What are you, musician, poet or something?”

Do you

SAY ‘MUSICIAN’
SAY ‘POET’

SAY ‘SOMETHING'

Chapter 17C

“Great wasn’t it? I loved that show. The one with the guy and he had this great big hat, y’remember? Classic, total classic. I once played in a band with a guy who owned all 56 episodes on cassette. Jim, he was called. We were in this great band together. Jim Fallow And The Eternal Damnation. Was a real ephemeral beauty to what we did…”

He trails off for a second. You are having little success in getting away from this character. He’s nice enough but lost in his own little world. And there are bands you need to see! You need to find a polite way out of this.

Do you

SAY “YOU HAVE QUITE A WAY WITH WORDS, YOU MUST BE SOME KINDOF WRITER, OR POET, RIGHT?”

SAY “I THINK THERE IS SOME KIND OF OPEN MIC THING AS PART OFTHE FESTIVAL, MAYBE WE SHOULD GO TRY AND FIND IT, MAN”

Chapter 17D

“Don’t care for poetry much myself y’know but musicans eh? Worst of the lot aint they?! The stories I could tell…”

This conversation is just running in circles and this man seems to have no idea. Maybe he’s been out here for days, his mind just stuck in the same never ending loops. But you can’t be rude. It’s not in your nature. If you want to get away from here and back to the conversation, you will have to do it the right way. Politely.

Do you

SAY “MUSIC FESTIVALS AREN’T REALLY MY THING. ALL THAT WOODSTOCK NONSENSE ISN’TREALLY MY SCENE MAN.”

SAY “WOW, I HAVEN’T EATEN ALL DAY, PROPER GETTING THEMUNCHIES HERE!”

Chapter 17E

“What a great idea!’ says the man, suddenly more animated and alive. He seems ready to leave. Anything is better than being stuck in this alleyway whilst quality bands are playing.

He checks himself thoroughly. “I saw some people in The Orangery earlier on’ he tells you. ‘Looked like they were playing some tunes in the garden there and then getting free jacket potatoes. You seen that? Should we go down there, maybe they are handing them out to everyone.”

He looks at you longingly, hanging on your very words. He muscles are set to start walking and you feel, the state this guy is in, walking and talking may not be mutually compatible.

Do you

SAY “I THINK THEY WERE MUSICIANS, PLAYING, THEN GETTING FED POTATOES”

SAY “FORGET ABOUT POTATOES AND ORANGES, WHAT WE NEED IS AN EDUCATION IN THEHISTORY OF APPLE PIE

Chapter 17F

The man looks confused. Then intrigued. Then he is walking out of the alley, with you at his side. You’ve made it out, the circles of conversational feedback have ceased.

It looks a bit darker out on the street. No sooner are you by the roadside than the man has seen someone he knows, is waving at them and walking away, completely oblivious to you or the past 10 minutes (or was it more?).

So the choice is yours:

GO SEE THE HISTORY OF APPLE PIE ACROSS THE ROAD

MAKE TRACKS TO THE HOP IN THE HOPE OF MORE NORMAL COMPANY

Chapter 17G

“Musicians, eh, right pain in the arse!’ he says whilst performing a huge belly laugh, but without sound. It’s exactly like he’s accidentally hit his own mute button for a second. Then he quickly comes back to life.

“So you’re playing at this festival are you?’ the man asks once more, now getting himself comfortable once more against the wall of the theatre. “Man, I played some pretty far-out joints in my time, I can tell you. You ever heard of a band called The Forever Children?”

Do you

SAY YES

SAY NO

Chapter 18

Warehouse 23 is holding its breath, straightening its tie, checking its hair in the mirror. The spectre of The Fall is upon the venue. An hour and they’ll be on the stage.

You grab a drink. The sense of anticipation, the nervousness in the air is contagious.

YOU HAVE SPENT THREE POUNDS.

As you observe the stage where they will shortly appear from the bar, an almighty crash startles you. The smash is followed by a wail of siren like distortion. Where is it coming from. Many heads in the venue turn in confusion.

Then you see them, That Fucking Tank. The two piece have setup just off the stage, the audience already encircling them for an importance lesson in riffology.

Now it is difficult decision time; do you stick around and watch The Fall, certain of a great spot, or go for something a little different, but equally excellent; Allo Darlin’ at The Hop. Decisions decisions!

Do you

GO SEE THE FALL

GO SEE ALLO DARLIN'

Chapter 19

The theatre looks resplendent in it’s finery, even more so when filled to capacity with eager punters.

You have a great spot, right on the front row, and you relax in your velvet chair feeling rather pleased with yourself about the excellent spot you have searched out.

Jeffrey arrives on stage to rapturous applause. This almost feels like a homecoming show, such is the enthusiasm from the audience. He is joined by the polite looking Peter Stampfel and other assorted backing musicians – including Fenic from The Wave Pictures, you notice.

The set is, of course, sublime. Jeff seems genuinely thrilled to be in Wakefield and he jokes with the crowd between the excellent, quirky, perfectly constructed songs.

About halfway through the band slip into an instrumental, at which point Jeff pulls out a sketchpad. He looks around the front row of the audience and spies your rather beautiful face. He smiles. He definitely likes your face. He begins to draw it as the band continue to improvise.

As they come to a close, he rips the drawing from his sketchpad and holds it up to the audience. Your face gets a massive round of applause. He quickly signs it, hands it to you and informs the audience “Ok, this next one is called Cult Boyfriend.”

YOU HAVE A CARTOON DRAWN BY JERFFREY LEWIS

The show ends, all too quickly. It was one you will remember for a very long time, but you simply don’t want to leave.

YOU GO OUTSIDE

Chapter 20

The theatre looks resplendent in it’s finery, even more so when filled to capacity with eager punters.

The downstairs area is full to capacity. You grab a pint from the upstairs bar and filter onto the balcony.

YOU HAVE SPENT THREE POUNDS

It’s actually great up here and you have a fine view. You relax in your velvet chair and get ready for the show to start.

Jeffrey arrives on stage to rapturous applause. This almost feels like a homecoming show, such is the enthusiasm from the audience. He is joined by the polite looking Peter Stampfel and other assorted backing musicans – including Fenic from The Wave Pictures, you notice.

The set is, of course, sublime. Jeff seems genuinely thrilled to be in Wakefield and he jokes with the crowd between the excellent, quirky, perfectly constructed songs.

About halfway through the band slip into an instrumental, at which point Jeff pulls out a sketchpad. He looks around the front row of the audience and spies someone on the front row. He begins to draw it as the band continue to improvise.

As they come to a close, he rips the drawing from his sketchpad and holds it up to the audience. The picture gets a massive round of applause. Then he informs the audience “Ok, this next one is called Cult Boyfriend.”

The show ends, all too quickly. It was one you will remember for a very long time, but you simply don’t want to leave.

YOU GO OUTSIDE

Chapter 21

You find a bench on the main precinct and sit down. Wakefield is a funny place. Opposite you is chain bar Reflex and some other bars called Bing Bada Boom and HD Sports Bar. They look dark and grey at this hour, yet sit below what were clearly impressive buildings at some point in their past. The remnants of grand banks and picture houses filter through, the longer you sit there.

A man wearing lime green tracksuit bottoms and a plain white T-shirt sits down next to you. He speaks in a friendly but clipped tone. He shakily takes three packs of cigarettes out of his pocket, clumsily dropping them on the floor and asks if you smoke. Before you can answer, he throws a whole pack your way and says "All yours, buddy."

You have PACK OF CIGARETTES.

He lights one himself and begins talking about the previous night. You suspect he may not have slept for at least 24 hours, as he twitchily recounts his story in a non-linear fashion. After some time you notice the distant strains of a band playing, from the direction of the Hop. The man, who you now know to be called Kenny, says that he likes you and thinks there's a real bond between you. He says he is off to a pub just round the corner and says you should come with him. He begins to walk away.

Do you:

FOLLOW KENNY TO THE LOCAL PUB

GO TO THE HOP